The Sad Truth Girls Need to Realize About Twilight

by Bron Bahlmann

Oh deary me,
How it makes me laugh to see,
The obsession girls all have with Jacob Black,
Tough luck, bad news, he can't love you back.
I'm an author I write books,
So put away your dirty looks,
I know about this stuff,
And I know the news is rough,
But Jacob is a work of fiction,
About that there can be no contradiction,
When you say you love him again and again,
Your claiming your love for Stephanies brain,
Thats really all he is a thought somewere in her head,
You'd be better of loving someone who's dead,
They were real, made of flesh and bone,
But those are things Jacob has never known,
By all means think i'm jelouse and just not as good,
But i'm sorry to say this, jacob doesnt have the priesthood.
He cant bless the sacrament, and cant baptize the dead,
After all, he's a thought in Stephanies head,
I dont look like him and im not a "sexy beast"
I am a human though, and have a brain at least,
I dont have a crooked smile or cool tattoo,
But at least I can look in your eyes and say I love you,
So Edward has eternal life,
So will you if you become my wife,
A temple marriage is something I can share,
Even if im not real strong with lucious locks of hair,
I'm sorry if you want half dead kids, or ones with lots of hair,
All I can offer my future children is scriptures and daily prayer,
So if thats not good enough for you then by all means love Jacob Black,
But sorry to say, he can never love you back.

Entrepreneur comin' at ya

Just to let you know, I am not only a writer, but am now a T-shirt designer. This company buys cool T-shirt designs, because they bought one of mine.

I know you're curious, so here it is, just a click away: From the Mind of Bron - T-shirt design for the 21st Century.

Sticky Fingers

Sometimes my little brother Michael doesn't eat good food. Sometimes he plays too many computer games. The other day he told me the ends of his fingers felt sticky and he had a headache. "Did you drink any water today?" I asked him.
He said he didn't remember.
I told him to go and drink some water. It's something like 95 percent of your body weight. Once he had some water and some sleep, he was as good as new.
I think I like him better asleep.

I thought I was getting a yearbook...

When school ended, we got our yearbooks. Well, I thought I was getting a yearbook. It turned out to look like a baby book. Come on, what would you think of a pure white cover with the pastel letters "New Beginnings" in one corner? Yeah, that's what I thought. But that wasn't the worst of it. When you turn it over, there is a single small pastel hand print at the top.

Lame-sauce.

We're in high school, not preschool.

It's rotten being sick

I've had the worst cough and sore throat the past week. Today my feet were cold and wouldn't get warm. Mom made me some hot apple juice with cinnamon in it.
Yesterday a couple of my neighbor's nieces came over to interview me for a book report. That was kind of fun. The brought me brownies and lemon bars. How can you not have fun with brownies and lemon bars in the mix?

A Great Hospital Read

My mom met an elderly man at a funeral who told her he bought a copy of my book. Mom smiled and said that was great. Then he told her that the book was sitting in a bag with a toothbrush and change of clothes and shaving gear. Mom wasn't sure what to think about that until he said, "So if I ever have to go to the hospital in a hurry, I'm certain I'll have something to read."
Yeah, if he's conscious.
Besides, I thought hospitals were what Reader's Digests were for.

Painting in a corner

Yes, well, I got my room painted. (See pictures.) What is really weird is that my mom found a picture I painted in middle school and it was of a guy holding a dragon on his shoulder and it has the same colors I just used for my room. I'll have to take a picture of that and post it next.
I also gave my first draft of Skin Warriors to my mom for an edit. She was all happy about that.