The Sad Truth Girls Need to Realize About Twilight

by Bron Bahlmann

Oh deary me,
How it makes me laugh to see,
The obsession girls all have with Jacob Black,
Tough luck, bad news, he can't love you back.
I'm an author I write books,
So put away your dirty looks,
I know about this stuff,
And I know the news is rough,
But Jacob is a work of fiction,
About that there can be no contradiction,
When you say you love him again and again,
Your claiming your love for Stephanies brain,
Thats really all he is a thought somewere in her head,
You'd be better of loving someone who's dead,
They were real, made of flesh and bone,
But those are things Jacob has never known,
By all means think i'm jelouse and just not as good,
But i'm sorry to say this, jacob doesnt have the priesthood.
He cant bless the sacrament, and cant baptize the dead,
After all, he's a thought in Stephanies head,
I dont look like him and im not a "sexy beast"
I am a human though, and have a brain at least,
I dont have a crooked smile or cool tattoo,
But at least I can look in your eyes and say I love you,
So Edward has eternal life,
So will you if you become my wife,
A temple marriage is something I can share,
Even if im not real strong with lucious locks of hair,
I'm sorry if you want half dead kids, or ones with lots of hair,
All I can offer my future children is scriptures and daily prayer,
So if thats not good enough for you then by all means love Jacob Black,
But sorry to say, he can never love you back.